how to dress for your shape: are you human-shaped? play up your natural sex appeal by wearing whatever the fuck you want
Life Tip: As the weather gets warmer, continue to wear whatever the fuck you want. Flaunt everything or keep it cool under cover. Dress to make yourself feel rad.
how to get a bikini body:
put a bikini on your body
Okay, here is my list of things that are gross when they are hot. Allow me to set the scene. I just got out of a cool shower. My body temperature is low, and the room doesn’t feel that gross because of fans and breezes and stuff. This is the stuff that does not ever get cool that is super gross.
Number 1. Towels. In the winter, who wouldn’t die for a warm towel? One right out of the dryer? That sounds great! But when you just took a cool shower a warm towel just crushing your hopes and dreams and spirits.
Number 2. Shampoo. When shampoo is body temperature, you can’t help but be reminded of things that come out of bodies that are the same consistency. Then you rub it all over your head. That’s no good.
Number 3. Toothpaste. It’s minty and cool, but not when it’s a little melted and runny and hot to the touch.
Number 4. Floors. After I turn off the shower and my spirits are crushed by the towel drying my face and arms and most of my body, my feet are still safe. They are still wet, and touching the cool linoleum or vinyl or whatever the hell bathtubs are made out of. Then I rub them across the rug outside the shower. It’s okay. Then they take two steps to the hardwood floors and THEY ARE HOT GROSS YUCK WHY ARE THEY SO WARM.
Number 5. Sheets. Literally the only furniture I have in my apartment right now is a makeshift dresser I made out of metal shelves, and my air mattress. So if I want to sit down, it’s hot gross floor or air mattress. The grossest keeping cool trick I have learned was entirely accidental is super gross, but I was sitting on my bed one day and stood up to get water or pee or something and when I came back, I sat on my bed and it felt really cool, like refreshing and nice. I was pleased, but confused as I sat there, and as it began to warm back up to body temperature, I realized that it was damp, and it was cool because it was evaporating. It was damp because I had sweated through all my clothes and all the sheets. So I guess evolution works?
Number 6. Air. Because it makes everything else hot and it’s gross.
Number 7. Clothes. Back when I was spoiled rotten with air conditioning, I would think of putting on clothes as something that would eventually maybe make me warm, like when I went outside or something, but when the clothes themselves are warm, there is no way to survive. That’s why I keep clothes in the freezer now. Not sure what I am going to do when I have a roommate and I stand in front of the freezer and pick out what I am going to wear every morning. Especially if the roommate buys frozen foods and takes up all my closet space.
Infontalization: An Analysis of the Logos of Today’s Female-Driven Comedy Series
What’s in a font? Would that which we see in Helvetica by Times New Roman still look as sweet? There are three series in our current crop of TV comedies with titles containing the word “girl” – HBO’s Girls, CBS’s 2 Broke Girls, and New Girl, airing on FOX. Each one makes a cultural statement about the role of women in today’s society with the font it uses to render its logo.
It’s impossible to view the protagonists of this trio of female-led shows without considering their bodies. There is Girls creator and star Lena Dunham, who constantly insists on displaying her naked figure despite it not fitting conventional Hollywood beauty standards. And 2 Broke Girls’ Kat Dennings is defined as much by her ample curves as she is by her bright red pout and her tough-girl attitude. Then there’s Zooey Deschanel, small, preciously awkward and eminently cutesy, very much the quintessential “anti-sex sex symbol.” How interesting, then, that the two logos for the shows making nontraditional assertions about the female body are rendered in capital letters, while the show with the most submissive character uses lowercase lettering.
Perhaps the most salient takeaway of an analysis of these fonts is that New Girl uses the thinnest typeset among the three shows, reducing Zooey Deschanel’s svelte body to mere letters on a page. Girls’ font is of a medium thickness, with a good deal of spacing in between each of its letters that replicates the buffer of introspection that surrounds the character played by Lena Dunham — a woman who constantly wonders what it means to have the type of body she has grown up with. The word “girls” in the 2 Broke Girls logo is thick, bold and in-your-face, essentially asserting that Kat Dennings’ body is here to stay and you’re just going to have to deal with it.
This symbolism of this lettering is especially vivid in the varying depictions of the letter “R.” Both Girls and 2 Broke Girls give us a capital “R,” suggestive of womanly curves and a burgeoning maturity, while New Girl’s “R” is lowercase and therefore somewhat naive – “girlish,” if you will.
And what of the serifs? What are the implications of the fact that in addition to capitalizing their logos, both Girls and 2 Broke Girls chose sans-serif fonts, while New Girl included those small tailing lines at the edges of its letters? Is this another statement about a woman’s need to decorate herself in today’s society?
At this juncture, it probably bears pointing out that the font used in the logo for Sex and the City, a show it’s impossible to avoid mentioning in this context of female-driven comedy series, has serifs. Girls and 2 Broke Girls are both set in New York City, like SatC before them. But the circumstances surrounding our new crop of young women are very different – instead of decided which pair of Jimmy Choos best matches that new chiffon tutu, our modern New Yorkers struggle to pay their rent each month. By choosing sans-serif fonts, the two shows are announcing their departure from the “single girl in the city” fantasies Carrie and her gal pals lived out a decade ago. In fact, one can almost see the choice to create logos out of sans-serif fonts as a microcosm of the plight of young women in today’s down economy.
Gone are yesterday’s Gloucester MT Extra Condensed bodies. It’s time to accept a new generation of girls who look like Helvetica Bold.
From my hero Saint Liana Maeby.
I always thought I should be a librarian because of my love and extensive collection of cardigans. But when I want to look professional, I put in contacts and wear my hair down, and when I “let my hair down” I put my hair up and put on my glasses.
So it probably won’t ever work out.
Hillary Clinton (via ceedling)